Spring is coming!

I didn't know people used the term "fag" as a "cool" thing to say to friends still... but I overheard it among a group of young guys (probably 13 or so) yesterday, on the train. They were kidding around, saying, "oh man, you're such a fag" in the same way that someone else might say, "oh you're such a dork." The only times recently that I've heard that term have been in a blatantly aggressive way, like when I've walked down the street with my gay friend and had someone yell it at us... but the fact that it still exists as a term that young people use in regular conversation, as a way to jokingly put down someone, BAFFLES me. I couldn't believe it.

ANYWAY.

In other news, I am in a dispute with Bally Fitness.

It is also gorgeous weather, and I am excited to go on a 5-6 mi run with Nikhil and Julie... Yay for training for the Broad Street Run!!! :)

I have so many f-ing evaluations to go through at work. ARGH. But I have to get going so I can get to Trader Joe's in time to get tofu before the crowd hits. AH!

Okeydokes... well tata just had to get that off my chest.


ciao ciao

xoxox
anna

stormy....

what's up with the weather? one day sunny and 66...then a big snowstorm! what the.

also,
From my new obsession, Sara Bareilles's song "Undertow":

"Silly me, look what I did again.
I found what I want is what I cannot have
I didn't mean to be so predictable,
But I blame it all on who made you irresistible

And it isn't something I need 'til you tell me I can't
Why wear my heart on my sleeve when it looks so good in your hand.

My heart breaks in a heart beat
And you storm me when you come and go
The taste of something so sweet should have
Warned me 'bout the undertow."

a great song. definitely speaks to me.....

blahhhhhh

frustration, confusion, up and down, roller coaster.
about to take off, like on that disney ride.
boom.
moments pass, and then i'm back to square one. or in a new square but feeling like i'm in the same place.
just a little more tired.
i'm tired.
i'm also at peace.
living in the moment.
whatever happens, happens.
dreaming of rolling fields and memories and haverford themed dances...
but remembering the flavors of my teriyaki tofu from earlier... and realizing that my time passed.
i gotta just live.
it's weird cause the confusion passes and i'm feeling soothed and at ease. but then something stirs, and i worry that time is slipping away, that i don't understand, that life is out of my control.
but then the worry subsides and is replaced with a feeling of resolution. things really do work out in their own way.
the horoscope was right.
a romance with a blue moon, a serial killer with rubber gloves in a park, awkward hugs good-bye....
and that was that.
but the mystery is just unfolding, as a new chapter opens in my book..
thank you Punxatawny (sp?) Phil.
your declaration of winter means more snowfall, more beauty, more boots... and also more layers of clothing, and with that, confusion.
but most of all, it means that i have the choice. to remain confused and feel stagnant, or to revel in the moment and feel at peace with the unknowable weather....and more than that, to KNOW that i'll be prepared for whatever happens, and embrace the moment fully.

home again...

people get ready....
there's a train a comin'...

those lyrics are stuck in my head, due to my newly attained knowledge of how to pick that song on the guitar. YES. Sandy spent a lot of time with me over the last few days, playing through the song and helping me finger pick. Woo. I love finger picking, but it definitely wears on one's fingers. Ah.

Anyway! In other news, I spent the day driving down from NH, stopping in Boston to pick up my childhood friend Ariel (and seeing her wonderfully cute apartment, and her lovely parents) and dropping her off in Norwalk, Ct before heading back to Ridgewood. I've had such a wonderful time bonding with my mom over the last few days, and it was great, as usual, to drive with her, singing to various songs and laughing/yelling at her, but then just laughing at the fact that we were arguing. Ha. She's great. And Ariel's company added a nice dose of laughter and fun as well, and it was lovely to get some time to catch up with her, since I never know when I'm going to see her next. I guess that's the beauty of good friends, though, right? We can just pick up wherever (Boston now, who knows next time!? ha..) and then catch up, until next time... whenever that shall be. Ah.

NH was a wonderful time, though it is nice to be home, too. I walked into my house to find the tv blaring, but no one around. Finally, I ventured into my mom's studio, where we have a makeshift sauna. The tv in that room had been moved to face the sauna, its cord snaking along the length of the room. I peeked in to find my brother and dad, in towels, in the sauna, watching the game...like oh yeah, this is no big deal, totally normal, right? HA.

My family amuses me.

Anyway, here I am, back in NJ for a day or two before heading back to Philly on the 30th for New Years. WOO WOO. I have also officially banned myself from facebook for the next couple days (till the 30th), because I've decided I spend way too much time on there, and I need a break.

Which probably explains why I'm posting on here.... ha. Perhaps you will see more posts than usual! :)


Loverly Love,
Anna banana

new hampshire.

Classical music wafts up the stairs. Jack lies peacefully on the couch. My laptop warms my lap in the cool atmosphere of the house. There's a tennis ball lying nearby... and at some point, Rosie will probably come snatch it, her tail wagging playfully, and plop it down on my lap. She'll wait, her big brown eyes looking up at my face, until I lob the ball in the air. She'll lurch, leaping into the air, intercepting the ball. Clutching it proudly in her mouth, she'll plop it down in my lap again. But only after standing next to me, playing with the ball for a good 5 minutes or so. I looove this! Every year, we come up to NH for Christmastime, and it's always such a peaceful break from the rest of life. My aunt and uncle live in a one-room school house in the midst of the woods. Inside, it's like going back in time. Beautiful antiques adorn the rooms, and my uncle, a woodworker, has created or modified various rooms and furniture pieces to make the house feel lovely and rustic... in a classy way. I love it. The Christmas tree stands tall on the table, and the dogs rush excitedly around. As Annie and Josh have gotten older, they lie around more.. and Rosie has taken over their position as the energetic pup. They are all Golden Retrievers... with their beautiful wavy golden fur. My dog, Jack, comes up with us, too... and with his gray, curly hair and tiny, wiry body.. he and Rosie make quite the pairing. They tromp around, scampering through the field, coming back into the house with their noses wet and tails wagging furiously.

Ah.

Well, now Holly's friend has arrived. Time to head downstairs... engage in some nice visiting. And then it's off to the movies and then to dindin!

Lovely lovely.


:D

Till another time soon,
ACTK

i've become nocturnal..
why am i awake now? not even doing anything productive. it's like i get past a "tired" point and just stay up. goodness.

tomorrow and monday are so jam-packed i can't believe it. brunch, coffee, movie, interview, meeting, fro-yo, improv class... goooodness. it's like i'm back in college or something!

and then tuesdayyyy i'm off to san francisco. it's been a year, but it feels more like 5 years. i feel like so much has happened. gosh. i mean, guess there was graduating.. and then working at camp all summer (which felt like a good year's worth of learning...) and now living in philly. so like three world's of stuff. and so much learning and growth (i'd like to think.)

in general, things are great.

i'm training for a half-marathon.
i can play "on the radio" on guitar now. (finally a full song, yay!)
i love my roommates.
i get to do interfaith work at the way cool interfaith center in west philly.
i'm having some interviews here and there.
i get to talk to keep in touch with people like lauren and megan and ashley...

i am happy with my hair 10in shorter. i may not have it long again for a long time.

i am in love with yelp. gosh. my bible. thanks.

i am in love as well, with my big stuffed dog, barnaby. we cuddle every night. it's glorious.

annnnd yeah. that's about it... in a nutshell.

LOVE.

(and shout out to various friends for their birthdays!!
today: emtem
11th: dennis
12th: megan

happy birthday all of you wondrous folks. loooove you all.

ok time to go to bed...
NIGHT.

Gap

I walked through the double doors of the massive building. It was a little before 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon and I was a little early for an interview. I walked as confidently as possible up to the front counter, and made eye contact with the person behind the counter. Without blinking an eye, the girl took one look at me and said, "Maternity's upstairs."

I was so flustered that I just remember the feeling of my cheeks getting hot, as I tried to respond and walk away with any sort of pride left. "Uh..." I stammered. "I'm not pregnant. I'm here for my interview."

AWKWARD!

The girl said that, by the way my hand was on my belly, she just assumed.

WOw. What a crock of shit.

I couldn't believe that someone thought I was pregnant.

I guess there's a first for everyone.

Nyquil is kicking in. So tired....

Nightttt!