home again...

people get ready....
there's a train a comin'...

those lyrics are stuck in my head, due to my newly attained knowledge of how to pick that song on the guitar. YES. Sandy spent a lot of time with me over the last few days, playing through the song and helping me finger pick. Woo. I love finger picking, but it definitely wears on one's fingers. Ah.

Anyway! In other news, I spent the day driving down from NH, stopping in Boston to pick up my childhood friend Ariel (and seeing her wonderfully cute apartment, and her lovely parents) and dropping her off in Norwalk, Ct before heading back to Ridgewood. I've had such a wonderful time bonding with my mom over the last few days, and it was great, as usual, to drive with her, singing to various songs and laughing/yelling at her, but then just laughing at the fact that we were arguing. Ha. She's great. And Ariel's company added a nice dose of laughter and fun as well, and it was lovely to get some time to catch up with her, since I never know when I'm going to see her next. I guess that's the beauty of good friends, though, right? We can just pick up wherever (Boston now, who knows next time!? ha..) and then catch up, until next time... whenever that shall be. Ah.

NH was a wonderful time, though it is nice to be home, too. I walked into my house to find the tv blaring, but no one around. Finally, I ventured into my mom's studio, where we have a makeshift sauna. The tv in that room had been moved to face the sauna, its cord snaking along the length of the room. I peeked in to find my brother and dad, in towels, in the sauna, watching the game...like oh yeah, this is no big deal, totally normal, right? HA.

My family amuses me.

Anyway, here I am, back in NJ for a day or two before heading back to Philly on the 30th for New Years. WOO WOO. I have also officially banned myself from facebook for the next couple days (till the 30th), because I've decided I spend way too much time on there, and I need a break.

Which probably explains why I'm posting on here.... ha. Perhaps you will see more posts than usual! :)


Loverly Love,
Anna banana

new hampshire.

Classical music wafts up the stairs. Jack lies peacefully on the couch. My laptop warms my lap in the cool atmosphere of the house. There's a tennis ball lying nearby... and at some point, Rosie will probably come snatch it, her tail wagging playfully, and plop it down on my lap. She'll wait, her big brown eyes looking up at my face, until I lob the ball in the air. She'll lurch, leaping into the air, intercepting the ball. Clutching it proudly in her mouth, she'll plop it down in my lap again. But only after standing next to me, playing with the ball for a good 5 minutes or so. I looove this! Every year, we come up to NH for Christmastime, and it's always such a peaceful break from the rest of life. My aunt and uncle live in a one-room school house in the midst of the woods. Inside, it's like going back in time. Beautiful antiques adorn the rooms, and my uncle, a woodworker, has created or modified various rooms and furniture pieces to make the house feel lovely and rustic... in a classy way. I love it. The Christmas tree stands tall on the table, and the dogs rush excitedly around. As Annie and Josh have gotten older, they lie around more.. and Rosie has taken over their position as the energetic pup. They are all Golden Retrievers... with their beautiful wavy golden fur. My dog, Jack, comes up with us, too... and with his gray, curly hair and tiny, wiry body.. he and Rosie make quite the pairing. They tromp around, scampering through the field, coming back into the house with their noses wet and tails wagging furiously.

Ah.

Well, now Holly's friend has arrived. Time to head downstairs... engage in some nice visiting. And then it's off to the movies and then to dindin!

Lovely lovely.


:D

Till another time soon,
ACTK

i've become nocturnal..
why am i awake now? not even doing anything productive. it's like i get past a "tired" point and just stay up. goodness.

tomorrow and monday are so jam-packed i can't believe it. brunch, coffee, movie, interview, meeting, fro-yo, improv class... goooodness. it's like i'm back in college or something!

and then tuesdayyyy i'm off to san francisco. it's been a year, but it feels more like 5 years. i feel like so much has happened. gosh. i mean, guess there was graduating.. and then working at camp all summer (which felt like a good year's worth of learning...) and now living in philly. so like three world's of stuff. and so much learning and growth (i'd like to think.)

in general, things are great.

i'm training for a half-marathon.
i can play "on the radio" on guitar now. (finally a full song, yay!)
i love my roommates.
i get to do interfaith work at the way cool interfaith center in west philly.
i'm having some interviews here and there.
i get to talk to keep in touch with people like lauren and megan and ashley...

i am happy with my hair 10in shorter. i may not have it long again for a long time.

i am in love with yelp. gosh. my bible. thanks.

i am in love as well, with my big stuffed dog, barnaby. we cuddle every night. it's glorious.

annnnd yeah. that's about it... in a nutshell.

LOVE.

(and shout out to various friends for their birthdays!!
today: emtem
11th: dennis
12th: megan

happy birthday all of you wondrous folks. loooove you all.

ok time to go to bed...
NIGHT.

Gap

I walked through the double doors of the massive building. It was a little before 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon and I was a little early for an interview. I walked as confidently as possible up to the front counter, and made eye contact with the person behind the counter. Without blinking an eye, the girl took one look at me and said, "Maternity's upstairs."

I was so flustered that I just remember the feeling of my cheeks getting hot, as I tried to respond and walk away with any sort of pride left. "Uh..." I stammered. "I'm not pregnant. I'm here for my interview."

AWKWARD!

The girl said that, by the way my hand was on my belly, she just assumed.

WOw. What a crock of shit.

I couldn't believe that someone thought I was pregnant.

I guess there's a first for everyone.

Nyquil is kicking in. So tired....

Nightttt!

Philly fall feasting festivities

Hello fair journal!

Tis been a long time. I'm here, writing in my cozy pjs and "smart wool" socks in my blue-painted room. It's 1 am and I'm quite tired, but I wanted to update my journal quickly before heading to bed. Life in Philly is going well, but I have been on the job search for about 2 months now with no fruitfulness. Oh there have been interviews here and there, but nothing has fully come through. We shall see! Other than that, I'm training for a half-marathon (woo!) that won't take place till May... but I'm beginning training now. (initially to just get in shape for a frisbee tournament this weekend, but figured that being in shape in the long run would be great.) I am taking guitar lessons FINALLY after wanting to do so since my 15th birthday. I'm finally taking up my parents on this glorious present. My teacher's guitar is sitting on my lovely queen-size bed (my first bed bigger than a twin, EVER), and I have been playing constantly.. all 5 chords that I know. ha. (and trying to learn simplified versions of songs so I can practice, and really advance my skills... but also cause it's fun to play songs.) I'm also writing my autobiography... or just merely writing down lots of stuff about my identity. It's really therapeutic. We'll see if it's ever publishable. In other news, I had a lovely dinner with my dad tonight. He took me to a great steakhouse downtown, and we enjoyed a delicious dinner with wonderful conversation. He's such an honest, straightforward, caring person and I love spending time with him. I love that we can get together and hang out for a few hours and it's totally comfortable, and we can talk about anything. He's really great. Ah! Thanks, Dad, for an awesome night. I was feeling under the weather, but going out for dinner and seeing my dad made my cold feel almost nonexistent. :) Yay!

So, on that note... off to bed for a lovely night, and then waking up and jogging, and dealing with more job stuff, before doing.... whatever I want to! We shall see where the day takes me. (however if it involves spending money, i'm out... trying to do free and fun things in my unemployed state. ha! )

ok nighty night!

xoxox
anna

Oh and I forgot.. Shashi drove all the way up to Ridgewood for a little bit on Sunday.. braving the unpredictable weather... and managing to withstand my tour of Ridgewood and Haworth! That meant so much. She seemed genuinely interested in my life and where I've grown up, and I love sharing that sort of things with people who want to hear about it... so that was glorious. :)

Anywhoo!

Off to shop!!!

-A

packing again... already??

Wow.. the weeks have flown.
So much for regular updates. My life has dwindled to wayyy too much tv-watching... new addictions every day. Finished Gossip Girl, L Word (terrible season!), and Lost... so moved onto the whole series of The Real Housewives of NYC, and finished that in one afternoon. Now I'm onto Top Chef! Finally. Emily Isaacs and Sonia both recommended it.. and they are right.. it's great. And highly addicting. I already have Tivo set to record it for the next 6 hours or something. What has my life come to?! I guess I should soak in all this down time, seeing as on Saturday, I'm high-tailing it to MD to spend the rest of the summer roughing it in the wilderness. So, for now, I'm just enjoying this relaxation... trying not to feel too guilty about not going running every day.. but honestly, in this heat, that would be life-threatening. They even closed the schools in Ridgewood yesterday because the heat was so bad, and the schools aren't air-conditioned. Craziness!! Today it's a little cooler.. ok maybe 85 degrees instead of 100. And hey, I just double-checked weather.com, and yesterday's high was 97 (record!!) and today it's 82 degrees. Not far off, eh?

Anyway.

Aside from lounging and eating and sleeping...

I've been catching up with lots of friends and spending quality time with the fam. So this is actually very nice.. getting down time in NJ, which I haven't had in a long time, whatwith all the moving around and studying abroad and stuff. I finally have time to just chill and be here. And since it's cool and calm in my house, I can sit and relax all day. Wonderful. And I re-discovered a couple old videos, so I spent awhile figuring out how to upload them and put them up... that gives me a lot of pleasure (the whole process of figuring out how to navigate film and technology and getting it online and sharing the memories with people.) ah. I spent this past weekend at the Ford, too, and it was great to see a bunch of folks. It was weird to realize that I'm a graduate now... but it felt good to be welcomed in open arms by soo many underclassmen. Refreshing! Also, we all said good-bye to Bea, who is now in Singapore for the year. Wow. I miss her already!

It was a really fun weekend.. a nice way to say good-bye to Bea and wish her well, and also catch up with Haverford friends. I started off at Emily Temple's lovely house in the rolling hills of PA, (after getting a bit lost...) and then met up with Julia for coffee (And ran into the beloved prof Theresa Tensuan!!) before catching Lloyd 10s folks for dindin (Dennis and Sonia were mia cause they're in Belize, wowww...and Julie was in SD... and Emily and Bethany weren't there...and Allyson is in Cabo...) but everyone else was. :) It was glorious to see all of those folks! And then we had a fun party, complete with several rounds of beer pong (wow, I love that game...) and I got drunk much more quickly than usual. I guess all my lounging (sans alcohol) left me with a weakened tolerance. ha. Then I caught the end of one of Bea's final b-ball games up in West Chester, before cruising to the city to see Steph, who hosted me and Elsa with some delicious vegan food... and then we all went to Steph's cafe, where we met up with their friend Emma. (All these people graduated 2 years ago, and were part of that Haverford House generation.)I caught Betsy and Lindsay briefly, too-- well at least with enough time to flip backwards over an exercise ball and hit my head on the bottom of the bed...which actually was pretty hilarious, and luckily didn't hurt enough so that I cried or anything. Then it was to Manayunk for a final dinner with Jimmy, Rachel, Nikhil and Bea, before heading back to NJ.

Hm. Then 2 days ago I met up with Abby and Charlotte, which was nice- we went bowling (change of scene) and ate at this delicious Greek restaurant, getting back to Abby's with just enough time to catch the new episode of Legally Blonde on MTV (which is sooo addictive... argh I am so addicted to MTV reality tv!) And that finally leads up to today and yesterday, when I've done absolutely nothing except my mom and I had a really nice dinner together yesterday at the Mediterranean place in town. I LOVE Mediterranean food. mmm. Oh, and I've gotten to talk to Lauren a lot, which is wonderful. And oh lordy I have so many people to call back before I head to the wilderness, where I will most likely not be able to use my cell phone... ah!

So. Now my mom and I are going shopping for camp stuff.. ah I can't WAIT for camp!!! And I'm so excited cause Phebe and I are driving to Cara's on Saturday, where we will meet up with several other folks and drive down together to skills week on Sunday. Woo wooo. AH! So who knows if I'll get to update this again... but I'll see you sometime soooon!

Love,
Anna :D

dance parties!

I'm determined to post regularly.
Writing, singing, and dancing are essential to my life. I just feel so cleansed and great when I do all three of these things. I attended Allyson's graduation partay today, and it was grand ol' fun. Tovah, Jimmy, Sonia, Nikhil, one of Allyson's friends from middle school, Anne, and I, all hung out amidst all of Allyson's relatives. Glorious. Amazing food, and lots of great, friendly family members. It was a blast! As the night wore on, a dance party developed... Nikhil soon took over with his iphone and hot groovin' moves, and it was like a little club on Allyson's back patio, complete with a bunch of her relatives... her adorable cousin Danielle, some of Allyson's dad's roommates and their dates... to name a few. SO great! I loved seeing all those pals from Haverford, too, and catching up. Amazing how long a week can feel after living with these folks all semester. I loved it. Sonia and I planned to hang out this week in NYC, too. Can't wait!

For now...finishing up L Word Season 5. Tomorrow hopefully I'll continue to make a dent in Lost, Season 4...so I can catch the finale on Thursday. Woo woo. Ok that's sad that my life revolves around TV. I'm also looking forward to talking to Holly, and continuing to catch up with Lauren. Oh, and I need to call a bunch of other people back...like Amy! ooh so many fun people to talk to!! :D

So...off to watch some L Word and then beddy-bye.

Love!
Anna

Closure...thoughts...summer...graduation..ah!

I'm realizing more and more how essential writing is to my life. Last night I attended my mom's writing group. A group of 4 middle-aged women and I sat around in our living room doing writing prompts and discussing them. It's really cool how writing can tap into emotional recesses that people might not otherwise be able to/want to access...and really facilitate conversations about these thoughts/worries, etc. It gives me hope that as life goes on, I can continue to surround myself with groups of empowering women where we can write or talk about emotional worries and concerns...or even both!

After being on the frisbee team and doing women's group all year, I've been feeling anxious about how to create these sorts of strong-female spaces for next year...and this gives me hope. I want to create healthy, strong-female spaces for me in Philly and beyond. And I hope that when I'm in my 50s, I too have a group of women I can gather with weekly...and drink wine and Martinelli's and write with and chat with. Oh the glory of being home.

Ah, it's so nice to have a break FINALLY from schoolwork and academia. I'm sure I'm going to miss it all in the fall when I jealously watch as my underclassmen friends return to Haverford and I'm caught up in the world of social work. I can even imagine myself looking at old readings and analyzing text, just to do it. I have a weird appreciation for writing essays. I also worry that I'm going to lost my skills. What will I do in a few years when I want to return to school and I can't write anymore? That's why blogging will become increasingly important. This is a way to keep my writing voice alive! haha.

But for right now, it's nice to take a deep breath. To soak in the glory of all that TV I didn't have time to watch. To choose to not leave my house for the day. To know that I have days to completely unpack..that there's no rush. To cook my own meals. To walk the dog. To GO RUNNING with no wrap on!! Ah, today was the first day I tried really running at all, wrap or no wrap, in MONTHS. I think I was secretly too scared to try running, for fear of realizing that my hip was permanently injured. But nope. I functioned fine. I was a bit tired and out of breath, but that merely due to my lack of being in shape...something I can fix. :) It was so glorious to feel the wind as I ran, my favorite music blasting in my ipod, my legs pumping down Glen Ave., the cars brushing past and the fresh air and green trees surrounding me. NJ is actually really pretty in some places...and I'm grateful to live in a town with lots of greenery and prettiness. People don't give Joy-sey enough credit.

And one thing that makes me so happy is my family's obsession with this bird and her nest. She's nestled it right in the ivy. It's at eye level when you walk through the back gate (the one we always use), so you get to face her and her little hatchlings every time you walk through. They have feathers now, and look ready to fly. My dad exclaimed at graduation, "They've hatched!" I asked him what he was talking about and he gave me some swift response about a bird. It wasn't until I came home on Monday, when I was about to walk through the gate, that I understood. My mom cautioned me-- "Be careful, honey... try to open the gate as gently as possible..we're trying not to disturb the bird and her nest..." I prodded open the gate, and there was the bird, nesting, at eye level. Amazing. It's so cool to be plopped out of my crazy college world into a simpler way of looking at life...where the focal point of conversation can be about this bird. I am forced to take a step outside of my own existence and acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of this bird and her family. It's wonderful. Dillard would be proud. I love how much my parents care about her, too, and wanting to make sure she's okay. At least once a day my mom will comment on how big the birds are getting-- "They have feathers! They should be flying soon" She'll also murmur concerns-- "Oh, I hope they make it...they're so close to the ground." I hope they do, too...but I'm glad that for right now, we can coexist...sharing the same area...their presence reminding about the importance of appreciating the life around us, and stepping outside of my own self consciousness to get in touch with nature, and the beauty of all things outside of my own human existence.

Oh yeah...and I graduated. College is done. Pretty incredible. Don't really know how to make that one sink in. I finally really cried about it on Monday afternoon, as I drove home. It just hit me, suddenly, as I drove down the Garden State Parkway. Tears streamed down my face as I attempted to not veer off the road, my car already fully-packed so creating strong obstruction of vision and lots of blind spots. I must've looked crazy. A packed car with a bawling girl in front, attempting not to crash. Quite the sight. I'm glad I finally cried about it, though...I was wondering when it would hit. It still hasn't fully hit. And before this point, it had begun to hit in little bits...starting with the sneetch picnic, then the religion picnic, even listening to my ipod as we returned from six flags...little tear-up moments, sentimental good-byes. I think it's almost that it's sooo much to take in-- the reality of saying good-bye to so many people and memories, etc, that my body just became sort of numb in some ways... like I felt the sentiment of everything, but I just couldn't fully take it all in, completely. Maybe I was scared that it would just all come bursting out and I wouldn't be able to stop. Or maybe I just didn't have time to fully feel everything-- everything happening too fast to stop and feel it. That might explain the car moment. It was the first time where I had space from everything and could begin to feel it all. And so there I was, crying on the Garden State Parkway. But at least I was feeling it. Or starting to.

As for the last week...I've been watching way too much TV. It's so addictive. Lost and Gossip Girl are officially my favorite shows. I love that you can watch online shows. Ahhh. But oh, it's so bad. I'll snuggle up on my bed for hours...and maybe take a break to eat a snack..and then hop back into tv mode for another few hours. Since each episode is 45 min., those episodes can eat up a day pretty quickly. It's funny to bounce back and forth between the two shows since they are so different. Besides that, I think I officially left my house last on Tuesday...to see my cousins. That was really fun. A trek to NYC for some good Chinese and Thai food, and some good catch-up with the cousins. Then back to tv world for the last few days, with the exception of good, writing group, and running. Tomorrow I'm seeing Spring Awakening with my mom, and I'm super excited cause I know a lot of the soundtrack, and I've heard the show is amazing...but I've never seen it. Yay!!!

OK well I should go... this is getting long enough. I'm not going to lie and say I'm going to bed, cause I think I'll do that, but first I want to read. So time to read!!

Love and snuggles from NJ,
Anna

life goes on and on..

"be my friend. hold me. wrap me up. unfold me. i am small." -"breathe me" -Sia

I feel so weird. Confused... drained... hmmmm....

AH! I don't know WHAT I feel!!

CONFUSION!

hahaha.

OK well I'm going to go do work. I usually find that if I have something on my mind I can't focus academically... but hopefully I can. ah. I JUST WANT TO CLEAR THE TENSION FROM MY BODY. And my back. And feel light.

I love women's group soooo much and was so grateful for today. That space is so special. Ah.

OK time to do library time. Perhaps I'll journal later to purge my mind/brain/body/soul/being/etc.

Love anna